Video Script:
Intro:
Do you know the day Tom Brady, the NFL GOAT, would never FORGET? And no, it isn’t the 28-3 comeback against the Falcons, but 5th May, the wild ride roast he signed up for with Netflix. Everyone in the audience was pretty sure he was close to tears for most of the show.
Oh, you guys, the Netflix roast of Tom Brady was a no-insult restructured type of event, so buckle down for one of the best rhetorical massacres ever performed by the roastmasters. Before we dive in, guys.. click the like button right below your screen and subscribe to the channel.
Body:
Now, as one would expect for a vast majority of these roasts, where the roastmasters go for the age or hairline of the subject (an example being Donald Trump’s roast back in 2011), but instead, they were incredibly harsh, dismantling his personal life, his failed marriages, and even his children in jest.
Perhaps a tad surprising for him, as most of the show’s lineup included comedians, celebrities, friends, and teammates of the 7-time SuperBowl Champ, but almost immediately, the roast went totally off the rails in a way nobody was expecting, especially around the 11-minute mark during the host, Kevin Hart’s set.
The bar was raised so high with the line from Hart, saying, “When You Got A Chance To Go 8-9 & All It Will Cost You Is Your Wife & Your Kids… You Gotta Do What The F–k You Gotta Do” this was hilarious as most people thought Brady’s coming out of retirement after his 7th ring was the cause of their divorce, at least until the reports of Gisele getting with her 35-year-old Jiu Jutsu coach, Joaquim Valente.
Surprisingly, Brady wasn’t the only unanticipated target there. Kim Kardashian unexpectedly became involved in the roast, only to be severely attacked by the same comedians meant to pay tribute to her buddy Tom.
But as you know, before we continue to check the remarkable roasts of Tom Brady by the lineup, hit the like button below and subscribe to get even more in-depth contents, like this one.
The Roast of Tom Brady
With the panel of roasters including comedian and roastmaster Jeff Ross, a seasoned roast battle veteran Nikki Glaser, celebrated comedic podcasters Andrew Shultz and Tony Hinchcliffe, and stand-up comics Bert Kreisher, Tom Segura, and Sam Jay, of course, things were always going to be a rough night for Tom Brady. Still, quite the unexpected turn was Kim Kardashian also becoming the butt of many jokes (all puns intended).
The sets kicked off with Kevin Hart making some mild jokes about Jerry Buss and some of the very nasty things he did—cringeworthy but funny—and then a joke about Tom Brady owning a ton of cryptocurrency to an organization down the street. You see? Mild jokes to start, nothing too crazy—well, that was what most thought until the real deal started hitting hard.
As said earlier, Hart set the tone early on at The Roast of Tom Brady, stating clearly that no one would spare him. Several roasters took advantage of Tom’s recent and highly public breakup with ex-wife Gisele Bündchen. The couple separated in October 2022, when Brady decided to come out of retirement following his Super Bowl LV victory with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in 2021, which won him his seventh Super Bowl ring. Hart joked that Brady’s decision ultimately backfired, ruining his picture-perfect retirement story by returning to the NFL, losing a season, and divorcing.
The best part? Kevin Hart wasn’t even part of the roasters; he was just giving a preamble of what was about to be a long 3 hours, then finally, Kevin Hart introductions the first roast master, Jeff Ross, who was the “roaster of honor,” and the self-acclaimed “Roastmasters General” almost made the night end early barely 26 minutes into the Live show by making a joke about Robert Kraft’s alleged sensual massages, insinuating that Brady had to perform one also, and coming as no surprise, Brady stood up, stage-whispered “Don’t say that shit again!”
Talk about a sore spot!
As the minutes rolled into each other, the best set of the night came from Nikki Glaser. It started with some lines directed towards Brady, Hart, and Gronk and, as you would expect, generated a ridiculous amount of laughs from the audience, a few of the best ways;
Tom Brady; “You have seven rings. Well, eight now that Gisele gave hers back. I’m sorry, Tom. Tom, the only thing dumber than you saying yes to this roast was when you said, hey babe, you should try jiu-jitsu. I think — that’s gotta suck. Dude.”
But then she followed up with this line that had everyone howling: “Tom also lost $30 million in crypto. Tom, how did you fall for that? I mean, even Gronk was like: ‘I know that’s not real money.”
Something pointing to the relationship between the now imprisoned Sam Bankman-Fried, the owner of FTX; if you thought that was the least scathing of her words, think again because she went even deeper; “You retired, then you came back, and then you retired again. I mean, I get it, it’s hard to walk away from something that’s not your pregnant girlfriend” referring to Brady’s ex-girlfriend, Bridget Moynahan, who he has a 16-year old son with.
Glaser is one to capitalize on moments of fame, went on and said, “Your ex-wife’s new boyfriend can kick your ass while eating hers,” and one has to say, that elicited more than a chuckle from the audience while making Tom more vexed.
But he remained a good sport, as expected, and the show continued. But maybe he shouldn’t have, as his former teammate, Drew Bledsoe, took the stage and delivered one of the best performances of the night. One of his best lines was, “Tom, I’m Glad That You Enjoyed All This Amazing Success With The Team That I Built. Super F–king Happy For You, Bud.”
For those not in the loop regarding the nature of their relationship, Bledsoe was the team’s starting quarterback when Brady was selected in the sixth round as a backup. Bledsoe was picked first overall in the 1993 NFL Draft and was the Patriots’ starting quarterback from 1993 to 2001.
After Bledsoe suffered a horrific injury during an NFL game in 2001, Brady initially filled in for Bledsoe but played so well that he was promoted to starter quarterback and amazingly led the Patriots to their first Super Bowl victory. As you would expect, Brady also used this as a joke during his set, saying:
“I’ll Always Remember Where I Was That Fateful Day In September Of 2001 When Tragically, Those Two Jets Slammed Into Drew Bledsoe,” a tricky joke, using both 9/11 and Bledsoe’s injury in sim twisted dark humor. Still, it was received well by the audience, and as the whole footballing world knows it today, that injury marked the beginning of Brady’s legend, but no one can disagree that Bledsoe was given a tough hand.
There were also numerous jokes on the so-called Spygate and Deflategate scandals that rocked the Patriots during Brady’s tenure as head coach, several of which elicited huge shouts from a live Los Angeles audience packed with Pats fans wearing the team’s jerseys, and even Brady himself had one quirky joke about that:
“Remember Deflategate? The NFL Spent $20 Million & Found It Was More “Probable” Than Not That I Was “Generally” Aware That Someone May Have Deflated My Footballs. You Could Have Just Given Me The $20 Million & I Would Have Just Told You I F–King Did It.”
As the show rolled into the second hour, Rob Gronkowski took the podium, and in what some would be called “expected,” he had issues understanding the prompter and went off script, patted himself on the back after one of his many sexually explicit jokes by announcing: “I’m creative. You may think I’m a dumb piece of fucking shit, but I truly am. I am. Fucking, I meet people for a living. “Obviously, I’m fucking dumb.”
Is that self-derision we hear?
That aside, Gronk almost fumbled a planned bit to get Brady and Belichick to drink a shot with him, then ruined things by spiking his shot glass on the floor afterward, but that was quickly remedied by Hart later, who made Kraft and Belichick share a shot on the stage, but as you may or may not know, this does not mean the bad blood between both parties have ended. And now, let’s get into the favorite (not so much) Kardashian and how she managed to get some impromptu sticks.
Of course! She did it again.
Kim Kardashian’s appearance at the Tom Brady roast was supposed to be a lighthearted cameo, you know, the kind where she just gave her cute little speech about one or two people. However, she unexpectedly found herself in the firing line of the roasters. Despite not being the intended target, Kim inserted herself into the roast and became a subject of ridicule.
At first, the audience booed the reality star when she walked the stage, presumably taking her off guard, much apparent in the fact that she was telling Hart, ‘I know a lot of people make fun of your height,’ before appearing to perform a second take at the outcry from her less-than-adoring fans.
What was meant to be a brief appearance quickly turned into an impromptu roasting session for Kim Kardashian. The audience’s boos indicated they were entertained by the unexpected turn of events, even if Kim herself may have been caught off guard by becoming a target at Brady’s roast.
When Tony Hinchcliffe savagely mocked Kim Kardashian during the Tom Brady Netflix special, it was one of the evening’s most contentious and widely criticized jokes.
These are the specifics: Hinchcliffe attacked Kardashian by jokingly referencing the well-known ‘whale’s vagina’ line from Anchorman before stating, ‘Which reminds me, Kim Kardashian’s here.‘ Many black males have celebrated her endzone.” He then turned to face Kardashian, who was in the audience, telling her to “Shut your legs, Kim. You and Kendrick have more open beefs than Drake and Kendrick.“
Many people criticized the joke for being sexist and misogynistic to Kardashian. By calling her a slut and making lewd sexual statements about her in such a public setting, many viewers thought Hinchcliffe had gone too far.
Some people thought Hinchcliffe’s joke went too far by treating Kardashian like a sexual object and making incredibly intimate comments on her sexual past, even though roasts are known for their edgy and controversial humor.
When the camera moved to Kardashian, she nodded and grinned, but she afterward gave off an uncomfortable vibe as the crowd giggled at Hinchcliffe’s remarks. One of the most talked-about scenes from the Brady special was Hinchcliffe’s roast of Kardashian; many saw it not as a friendly bit of roast humor but rather as a blatant case of sexism and misogyny.
One event that was more of an after-treat was. Andrew Schulz, claiming Kim was acting like a robot, dissociated from the whole Tom Brady Roast. He said on his Flagrant podcast that the Kardashian “sat with perfect posture for three hours straight.”
In the May 8 show, Schulz noted that “they started genuinely booing her even when she was up there, “She didn’t crack a smile at it. She wasn’t upset with it. It didn’t matter.”
But before you think these are the only two victims of sorts, let’s quickly get to some other celebrities. If you’ve been enjoying this video, click the like button and subscribe to the channel.
Victims? No, Fellows in Pain? Probably
Rob Gronkowski was a frequent target of jokes at the Tom Brady roast on Netflix. Some of the most notable jokes about Gronk include:
Tony Hinchcliffe joked that Gronk was like a mindless child, saying, “Gronk, I’m glad you could take a break from writing Santa letters to be here today.“
Nikki Glaser, who probably gained the most from the whole event, quipped, “Is it true that you are the first person born with CTE? Is that real? No, Gronk, I love you. You put the downs in touchdowns. You put the special in special teams.“
Andrew Schulz joked, “ACL is the only injury Gronk can spell.”
Glaser also joked about Gronk’s intelligence regarding cryptocurrency, saying, “Tom lost $30 million in crypto. Tom, how did you fall for that? Even Gronk said, ‘I know that’s not real money.”
Julian Edelman made a crude joke comparing Gronk’s manhood to Aaron Hernandez’s, saying, “Everyone always asks me how big Gronk’s dick is. Now, don’t get me wrong, it gets the job done. But there was this other Patriots tight end. Now he was hung.”
The roasters repeatedly mocked Gronkowski’s intelligence and played up the “dumb jock” stereotype, with many jokes implying he was mentally slow or uneducated. Gronk seemed to take the jokes in good spirits. Still maintaining the family of Patriots former players and legends, Bill Belichick was the next person to get butchered on the roasting table.
Legendary Coach, Even Better Roastmaster
Bill Belichick delivered some of the best jokes at the Tom Brady roast while also being on the receiving end of a few jabs.
Belichick opened by poking fun at himself, joking that his appearance was “not to be confused with the 10-part Bill Belichick roast during the Apple TV documentary”. He then turned his attention to former players like Rob Gronkowski, quipping, “Gronk, I’ve been watching you on ‘Fox NFL Sunday,’ and I’m begging you, please, stop doing your job.”
Belichick also joked about Gronk’s endorsement deals with Campbell’s Soup, Dunkin’ Donuts, and Tide Pods.
Randy Moss was another target, with Belichick saying, “I rescued a dog from the shelter, and I rescued Randy from the Raiders.”
As for the jokes aimed at Belichick, host Kevin Hart joked, “Whenever Kevin talks, I go into a Cover 2 defense: Cover both ears.” Belichick also made a self-deprecating joke about his demeanor: “The fellas invited me up here to lighten the mood tonight.”
Despite being roasted, Belichick proved he could take a joke and dish it out, delivering some of the night’s most memorable lines.
Aftermaths: Bad Blood and Spillovers
While everyone who participated in the roast would act chummy, it would be fatal for any of us to assume they would all be friends, or at least their friendships would remain the same. Trust us on one thing: the first domino has already fallen, and only the winners and losers from this will be revealed.
If you haven’t heard, Tom Brady, barely two days after the roast, said on the Pivot podcast that he regrets the roast’s impact on his children and vows never to do one again. Heso said it was a bittersweet experience.
One of the really big winners from the show, Nikki Glaser, said on Today With Hoda & Jenn that perhaps Brady didn’t think about anything at all, saying “maybe didn’t consider the backlash from his family and how it would affect them.”
She said, “It’s impossible that he didn’t consider what could have happened because there’s roast footage out there that you can watch and go, ‘They’re gonna go this hard.”
On the other end of the spectrum of clear losers, Kim slid into Glaser’s DMs to tell her, “You killed it on the roast,” to which Glaser was immensely pleased.
Outro:
But there you have it, folks. Never underestimate the power of a roast to end where you have never expected. As we wrap up this video, I suggest you like, share and subscribe to the channel if you haven’t. Also drop your comments and opinions in the comment section below on whether you think Tom Brady should have agreed to this roast, especially considering the abundance of material on him.
With the amount of money made from this Roast, don’t be shocked when you see some other celebrities come out to make theirs also. I hope you enjoyed today’s video and highly recommend that you watch this one as well .. (INSERT LINK TO NEXT VIDEO).
I’ll see y’all on the next one.
